what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
