JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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