Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
