Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
