I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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