You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
