my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
