I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
