ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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