This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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