You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
