So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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