i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
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Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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