Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
