but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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