the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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