Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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