I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
