There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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