Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
