cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
