just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
