I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
