I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
