Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I cannot find my penis.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
