Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
