It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
