So drunk its hurt
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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