youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
