can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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