i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
