I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
