I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
