My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
