marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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