I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my phone needs a breathalizer
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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