Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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