david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
