Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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