I just saw a hot homeless man
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
