1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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