Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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