dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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