so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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