I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
