I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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