I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
