it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
