need another drink. this is the easiest way
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
