So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
