please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
