Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
