yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
