girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
