dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
