Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
why do cheetos always look like penises
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
