I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
