you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think people are normalizing furries
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
