what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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