smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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