Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
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It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
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I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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