Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
