Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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