ya dads aren't the best wingmen
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize