We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Drake has all the answers
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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