Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
