Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
