Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
