It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
