there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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